Ok – so I signed up at a new dating site.

I secretly held high hopes for my brethren.  Not that really expected to meet the love of my life, but rather – perhaps have some interesting/stimulating exchanges? A fun date or two?

I’ve been sorely disappointed in the quality of humans to be found there.  Or maybe disappointed is the wrong word.  I just shake my head mostly.

I just have a few questions –

1 – do women really go for this stuff?  it’s super corny/coonish/silly…. if it works then go ‘head – but none of the women I know would be turned on by this buffonery.

2 – if i had a dollar for every time I was asked – wanna come over and watch a movie?  IN THE FIRST CONVERSATION/FOR THE FIRST DATE – I would certainly not be having this current economic crisis in my bank account.  Seriously.

3 – there really is something going wrong in the American school system.  I’m all for slang – no doubt about it.  But this right here is just a different language.  I find myself squinting when I read this ish because it makes my brain hurt.

4 – who are the women related to these fools?  don’t none of them (yeah, I know) have the good sense to slap these fools upside the head?

first, i present you with a sampling of the screennames.  yeah, I probably shouldn’t, but they are just too good not to, you know?  I modified them a teeny bit to help mask – but the general intent of name is the same.

Leaveemwetta69    – uuuuh no.  this name gives me instant sahara crotch actually.
LILKILLA2 – sorry, not trying to be on the first 48.
20TWINTWIN  –  hayle naw.
deification10 – no words.
MRFOOTLONG- while i appreciate the sentiment, this is not a porn audition –  and while we’re on the subject, what about the girth?
now the wonderfully harvard grad level messages:

Subject: WUZ UP SEXY

DAMN YOU FINE

…what are we?  sitting on the passenger side of your best friends ride?  cuz that’s what this reminds me of…

Subject: No subject provided

whats up babigirl hi u doing how has ur day been i cant comploaine me for the most part feeling blessed to wake up anyway u have a interesting profile i like it u keep it real and u do it with style that whats up ma keep lookin good and doin ya thang get back at me maybe we can get to know each outher as friends so holla back my name iz shamon dre

le sigh.  did you know that there are periods, commas, dashes, and all SORTS of wonderful tools for your use on the computer keyboard?  that is all. not really, but a great place for this one to start.

Subject: hi

hello nic one how are u today? i hope all is well with u .am Simon and am new on here..and i saw ur profile and got interested .u can em,qail me on yahoo id seshie14yu@yahoo.com or u can add me on there so we can get to talk so we know more about urselves utill then stay blessed

i didn’t have to look @ location to know you weren’t on this continent.  how are we gonna do anything if you’re in africa?

Subject: Hi

Wow Boo you are real cute. Holla back at a brother.

wow foo.  hayle naw.

Subject: No subject provided

hi, how r u today? ill be in l.a. n a couple weeks, i dont really know any1 but lookn for sum cool friends to meet n maybe show me around. im archie, holla back at me

so let me get this straight.  i’m supposed to give up my weekend for you mr. random internet dude?  and you’re looking for a harem of “friends” to show you around?  really?  me thinks not.  why did you take the time to type this?  my name is not kat stacks (look it up) and you are not bow wow.  please try to go find a life and get out of my inbox.  kthanksbai

Subject: kay

whats good

for sure not you.  i have nothing more say really.

Subject: Lady of my dreams

I tried to IM you, maybe it’s not working. Yes, I’m sure of it; it’s you. Your hiar, your lips…You are my girl. I have been looking for you for 33 years; now that I have found you.

When I first seen you I said wow! it’s like I new you. Please understand I’;m real.

xxxxxx is my name; meand diamond in english. I have to talk to you, please please call me.

714 xxx xxxx. or txt….so that I can make you believe. your my soul mate, I can feel it.

PC is running slow going to turn it off

please txt me, get to know me…again like we use to know each other in another life.

Yeah, and these are the kinds of dudes who say that women don’t want a sensitive man.  How you gonna pop outta the gate with alla this extra info MAYNE?  Do I know you?  Why are we going to talk?  #getalifedude  you talkin bout soul mates and all kinds of stuff that makes me want to take all my photos down from everywhere.  really this is some scary ish if you think about it.

ok – i’m going to nap now.  iCan’t handle all the tomfoolery.

Written by Niki



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